In 1996, someone had the bright idea to have the second annual Warped Tour at Action Park. For the price of admission ($46) music fans and amusement park aficionados got a day-pass to Action Park and access to the show (featuring Face To Face, CIV and Down By Law). While walking through the park it was easy to see just how dangerous the place really was. Kids were hitting the sides of rides and scraping their arms, the water was vile and even the bands were too disgusted to go on the rides (except for NoFX and Blink 182, who were spotted on at least two water slides). Later that year, at school, I sat behind a guy who bragged about his summer job at Action Park. He talked about all the shady stuff that went down. Lucky for me he wasn’t opposed to talking on tape.

This interview originally appeared in Life In A Bungalo #6 circa Spring 1997

What’s with the loop-de-loop water slide? It’s the one that’s just been sitting there, under the rubble, for years. Rumor has it someone died in it.
Actually, I think they sent a dummy down, and it came out in pieces. A leg came out, and a little bit later a head came rolling down. So they never actually used it. No human has ever been down there.

The Alpine Slides — when you get on, they show you pictures of people with horrible injuries. Why do they still exist?

You see people come out of there with these huge pink burn marks going down the side of their bodies… on their face, arms, and legs. It happens daily… you see people get scarred for life on that goddam ride. I guess the pictures are there to scare the hell out of you so you’re not a retard.

The jet thing where you fly in the air–rumors are floating around that someone got killed. Any truth?
I have no comment on that.

Why is the water cold and green?
I don’t know man. The water’s discolored, because of the gasoline content in most of it. That’s a hundred percent accurate. I would definitely not drink it. I’m sure there’s a lot of urine and whatever else goes into that water. It’s not fresh; I believe it’s recycled water.

The Tarzan Swing–why does this exist, knowing people can get killed?
Nobody’s ever died on the Tarzan Swing, so it’s perfectly safe… aside from the fact that you could fall on a rock.

Who thought up the idea for visitors to cross a major state road to get from the parking lot?
Ahem, there is a foot bridge for all pedestrians to use while crossing Route 94. Action Park does advise that you use the foot bridge at all times when crossing the main road, and they are not responsible for any injuries you may sustain during your stay at Action Park.

Why so many Canadians in Speedos?
It’s not so much the Canadians, it’s the Yugoslavians you have to worry about, and the overweight Spanish and Italian men with their giant genitalia hanging out.

The Bumper Boats–why do they blow?
I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen the bumper boats in use, but I have seen them, they do exist.

What exactly is your detailed job at Action Park?
I work at the Super Go-Karts, thank you. I pretty much walk around, making sure no one dies, and if they do die, to take their bodies away as soon as possible, and bring them up to first aid.

Has anyone ever died at Action Park?
I have witnessed a person who had all their ribs smashed, and had to put them on a back board, and send them off on a medivac. I’ve seen a couple of punctured lungs. Someone was paralyzed for a few seconds, but I have never seen a death. However, I heard that someone died over the summer, at Waterworld. On Surf Hill, you go down a long tube, and hit a pool of water, but when you hit the pool of water you always go flying off into a wall or something. I heard that one time this person just wouldn’t get up. All of a sudden it was dead silent, no one would say anything, and some one started calling Code Violet (A.P. Terminology for Death). So there is a chance that she may have died.

How can you stop the little thing called love?
You can’t stop love man it just keeps on going.

Anything else you’d like to add?

Action Park, open from Memorial Day to Labor Day Weekend, call in advance for large and group discount prices, and have a nice summer.

***For more information on the hell-hole known as Action Park check out this story at The Freezer Box.***